The One Where I Give My Friends Nicknames So I Can Talk About Them Publicly

In her latest blog entry Choice Cuts posed several questions. Here, I will attempt to answer them.

Q: Are men more inclined to be spiritual loners than women?
A: Yes. In fact, most men are spiritually emo. Some insist on being referred to as spiritually scene, but for the most part, we're emo. Indeed - we're theologically sensitive, doctrinely angsty, and dogmatically introverted. No one understands us!

Q: Is it that they are more fiercely independent?
A: Let me answer your questions with another question: tell me what you think about me, I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings, I only ring your cell-y when I'm feelin lonely, and when it's all over please get up and leave. Thanks, Beyonce.

Q: And is it unmanly to share something so deeply intimate with others? To me, this could potentially explain the (terrifying) scarcity of men in churches and Christian organizations.
A: It's not "unmanly" but it is aromatic. Almost as aromatic as Tre Tazze. CONVOLUTED! Also, there is most certainly NOT a scarcity of men in churches and Christian organizations. The majority of us are just invisible. Not invisible by birth - that's impossible! - but we all wear cloaks that are woven in hues that don't register in the visible color spectrum. Roy G. Biv is totally outdated.

Q: Or are there just more Christian women than Christian men?
A: There are no such things as Christian women or Christian men. There are only Christian antelope. And, as everyone knows, you can't measure antelope.

Alright, hope I've cleared up a few things. Peace out, fools.